


Regret Game: I'm So Sorry

by Badgirl19524



Series: Regret Game [1]
Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Alex lived, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Everyone is Dead, Gen, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, different ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 18:56:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15824931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Badgirl19524/pseuds/Badgirl19524
Summary: If life is a game it's a game of regret. It doesn't matter how much you wish to change it or how sorry you are for what you did. What's done is done and you must live with the consequences.Alex can't be sorry enough.





	Regret Game: I'm So Sorry

It was cold, a street light flickered down the hill, it didn't do anything to light the many graves in the graveyard. But the man felt comfort in the dark as he stood over the last grave he was visiting tonight. He sat down, the ground was wet, but he didn't care, and pulling out a lighter he struggled to light the candle sitting on the stone. ‘In Loving Memory Tim Wright’ lit on the stone. Alex pulled a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it, he took a drag, and coughed hard. “I still don't know how you smoked Tim, you already had lung problems, buddy.” Could he say that? No. Tim wasn't his “buddy”, and he never really was, they had hardly been friends. But still, he felt the need to form that connection. It was all he had left, it was that time again, and he had already spoken to Jay and Brian. Brian had been his friend, so had Jay, but Tim? Tim had left a lasting impression on him, and… he wished he'd been friends with him, before, before it went to shit.

He coughed again, deciding to just let the cigarette burn out on its own. “It's, uh, it's been three years Tim… I guess, you don't really know that, I don't think you were religious, but you know, I hope wherever you are it's better than here. I know you'd never want to hear that from me, and I say it every year, but I mean it… you-” Alex coughs hard, his throat feels raw and his lungs hurt, there is blood in his palm when he finally stops. He wipes it on his jeans, it wasn't from the cigarette. He sighs. His hands are cold, and there are bags under his eyes, he's so tired, but at least he stopped carrying around that camera. “You were right Tim. God, you were right Tim.” He rubs his hand over his face, rubbing his eyes as if it might make the headache stop.

It was close. It didn't like that Alex had stopped the recordings, stopped being around people, stopped spreading It. But Alex would rather be tormented on his own than have anyone else die at his hands. He'd been so stupid, so so stupid, to think that it would stop just like that. With Tim. What had it cost? How did he think it would be worth it? He'd been so wrong. “I, I know it doesn't mean much coming from me, my sentiments, my sorrows, my suffering. You don't care, I know, but, but fuck, Tim it's been three years Tim. And you're dead Tim, you're dead because of me. You've been dead three years because of me, and- and you didn't deserve that… You were right, you were so right. I was stupid, I couldn't think, I thought- I just wanted it to stop Tim… I didn't know, how could I? I should have listened to you. Then… then maybe, maybe we could have-”

Alex almost laughed, almost, “Who am I kidding Tim? “We”? You'd have killed me for what I did. After all of them... Seth. Jay. Brian. Jessica. Amy. I deserve to be dead so much more than you. I wish you would've done it when you and Brian attached me the first time… then- then they would all still be here- and- and,” his throat felt tight, and his eyes stung, Alex was sure he'd cry. He held all this guilt. He killed all these people and he was never punished. He was alive, why did he deserve to live? The only reason he hadn't offed himself was for fear It would find another victim. If he could keep It as long as he could It couldn't spread. If that was just one more year, one more day, that was a life for someone who deserved to live, he was allowing his torment as some cruel half-assed apology for everything he did. Alex didn't know if It worked like that, but It didn't seem to leave him, It hadn't left, so here he was, hoping he could save one person, just one, by keeping the monster to himself.

“I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry Tim…” A hot wet tear rolled down his face, and it unleashed a flood. The cigarette was forgotten in the wet grass as Alex covered his face if just to muffle his gasping and coughing and sobbing. “Three years- Tim, And you're just- gone-” he coughed, hands bloody, his lungs aching. It was closer, his ears ringing. “Everyone is gone! I fucking shot Jay, Brian trusted you Tim- he trusted you to end it- and you just- you just-” he felt like he was choking, his eyes were stinging as tears spilled over dripping off his chin, he fought his lungs for air, wiping his face frantically to stop the tears.

Tim always seemed to get him like this. Alex didn't know why, he'd known Jay for years, Brian had been his best friend since forever, but it was Tim, Tim he never really knew. Tim with his snark, and his sass, and his hot headed attitude. Tim who looked at Brian like he was the world. Tim who without hesitation had been willing to help out with his god awful excuse for a student film. Tim who selflessly protected Jay. Tim who had half strangled him before Alex had gotten the knife and- “I'm so sorry…” he repeated, gasping.

The candle blew out, but Alex didn't notice, he noticed the pickling feeling on his neck, the spike in his headache, the forceful coughing, It was here now. “I'm-” he spat up blood, “so-” with a wheezing breath he struggled to take he did his best to say it one more time, “sorry.” It was angry now and Alex knew he'd wake up in the woods in a different state, but he didn't care. Let it be mad at him, he can't wait for it to kill him anyway. Then it was dark.


End file.
